DARK CLOUDS AND RAINY DAYS

What a gloomy day! Early today, there was a yellowish fog enveloping the area. Then later on there's a heavy downpour that goes through the night. We were just going out to run some errands in the evening when Wei's sis called to say that it's time to fetch MIL home. The BAD NEWS that we dreaded has arrived.....

And so begin a long night of preparing the discharge, waiting for ambulance and then mourning the unavoidable. When we arrived home, I'm so surprised to see that awning is being set up, and the people in charge of the funeral services are already there! What, can't it wait? The family members aren't even done with the mourning yet, the body is still warm and breathing, and you are ready and waiting??!!!??Hellooo.... we don't give out awards for efficiency man!

The time now is 12.34am, and MIL is still alive, albeit not kickin'. So I feel that all the process of sending her home and doing a proper mourning is a waste of time when you are already shooing her along. Just my two cents though. I can never fully understand Chinese tradition.

CONTINUATION OF MY MIRACLE

My baby's so excited as Che Che bounced the see-saw up and down!

I think something strange, or rather wonderful happened to me recently. As I said in my previous post, it's like the Almighty God has washed my brain or given me a new one.

To market, to market, to buy a FAT PIG!!!

I used to detest sleeping with Andrick. I feel so tired looking after him the whole day with little rest in between that I need this break and my beauty sleep badly. So all this while since his birth, he's been sleeping with Wei in the living room. I can't help it I just can't.

Andrick loves doing what Che Che is doing...with a dash of cheekiness!

Then recently I voluntarily slept with the whole lot of them outside while asking Wei to get some rest and sleep alone in the room! We even pretended that we are setting up tent and camping outside! To be honest, I don't get a very restful sleep these few nights but I'm happy. WHAT SORCERY IS THIS??!!?

Getting checked by the doctor (for diarrhea)....he looked SO SUSPICIOUS!!!

Bob the Builder, CAN WE FIX IT? Yes, we can!!

MY LOVE FOR ANDRICK

Was just looking back at pics of Andrick. Wow, how he has grown! But so sad to see his baby fat disappearing before my eyes! He used to be so chubby back then.

Then....

NOW!!!

These last two days, I feel something positive happening to me. Ever since Andrick's birth, I'm ashamed to say that I don't feel any great love for my baby. He just seems a nuisance to me, what with his violent streak, incessant screaming and unloving nature. Then quite recently, I can feel this long overdue love started rearing its pretty little head. Suddenly, I am more tolerant towards him, seeing his non-stop action as just kiddy curiosity to explore his surroundings rather than out to irritate me.

I don't know if it's Gods great eye-opening (literally) work or what, but I'm glad that I am able to LOVE my baby as I should, tantrums and all. Right now as I'm typing this, he's crawling at high speed back to his toys after seeing Daddy putting them back into the box. He ran straight to the toys and started pawing everything with his little hands so that the toys are scattered EVERYWHERE. That's my ANDRICK. But it's okay, NOW I think it's cute... : D

All ready and raring to go!

Anyway, talking about God and prayers, I just came across this site by Lysa TerKeurst about prayers for your son which is very useful for me at this stage. It's about prayers for your son who is gaining more independence and in the process we feel like he's getting harder to grasp and communicate with. Do check it out : Lysa TerKeurst - 10 Prayers For Your Son. God can I relate to that!

OF FAMILY, MOMS AND MOM'S MOM

My Mini Loves....

I have had the urge to blog recently, but with commitments, barely had time to do so. Don't know why but as I age, I have the fear of forgetting some important milestones or special moments and feel the need to document it.

My Greater Loves.....

Life on the homefront is quite rough. Mom-in-law just started dialysis, and is now here daily till evening. Much as I understand the mechanics of things we should do, I can't help feeling the tension and stress. And to add salt to the wound, Andrick is behaving badly towards this...refusing to go near her and crying when put down. Superstition-wise, Venice and Andrick have fallen sick since she's here; one is having fever/ tonsilitis, the other fever/diarrhea. They fell sick at the same time MIL said she felt SOMETHING. Anyway, Venice is sleeping beside me while I'm typing this. I feel like there's a baby crocodile in the room *SNORRRE.....SNORRRE*.

As for Nic, I have to always remind/advise him of life lessons; he keeps steering to the side and complaining of this and that. Really worried that he'll go off the road, if you get what I mean.

Bryan on the other hand is really becoming more reliant, hopes this is not the calm before the storm like in Nic's case. For Venice, there are some sweet moments peppered with a bit of princessy tantrums (more so while she's sick). There's this time that I am so stressed about something and gently wept a bit. She came to me and present me with an invisible bouquet, then said : "A flower for you, mom." Awwww, SO SWEET!! It really makes my day.

Quick, RUNNNNN!!!!

Andrick is.......well, ANDRICK. Andrick will always be Andrick. Period. He's in a class of his own. Unbeatable. I'm speechless.......

One for the album....with Grandma! *photobombed by Venice lol*

Mom commented that why she and Venice have the same smile one lol.

MY FIRST KISS!.....FROM ANDRICK CHOW KAY VIN

Finally this little BABY learns how to KISS me!!! But so pity I don't have a photo of it. I have to perch my face VERY near to him, point like a mad woman at my lips to get his attention before he finally realize what I'm doing and reluctantly lean closer to touch his lips to mine. WOOHOO!!! A kiss from Andrick is as loving as he'll get...

My Andrick de Mozart

But then later today, he like warm up dy....keep on kissing me and then laughing happily! He is my only kid that I don't understand till today (Day-444). I simply don't understand how he operates, what makes him tick. He simply don't respond to hugs, kisses, etc. What he displays today I think is more like a type of game to him rather than his feelings of love for me...

FIGHTING WITH THE DEVIL WITHIN ME

For quite some time now, I have been struggling with my inner thoughts.

Nic has grown up to be a young man, albeit an impatient one. And I can't help missing the old Nic, but at the same time yearn to share his teenhood. For some reason, I feel like being on the outside most of the time. It also doesn't help that I have my hands full with Andrick. Anyway, the Nic of last year was totally another person compared to this year.

We frequently find ourselves struggling to come to a compromise of opinions. Well, at least he's trying. I dread the day that he stopped caring.

Now I find myself having to explained the mechanics of how a FAMILY functions, the ups and downs, how we have to constantly give and take and learn to not only see the bad but also appreciate that everybody have their good and bad points. He is at the stage where everything uncool is a hindrance to him enjoying life; Andrick's constant wailings, Venice's tantrums, Bryan's.....well, I'm very sad to say that he doesn't like much whatever Bryan does. If I can have one wish, I would not wish for wealth (well, but it's better if we are at comfortable level, not struggling) but for HARMONY in the family. 

 A rare moment of LOVE......

...and more LOVE...

A DAY OUT TO BREATHE

So what's new? I guess this blog will always be a place for me to escape and rant. Lately I've been having what I would best describe as a family life burnout...daily chores and kids bickering is wearing me real thin...so this time I'm escaping to...McD's for a drink. Even brought along books to read.. 

But blog first...need to purge my system of all negative thoughts.. Having four kids in the same household is no easy feat...what more with limited space. So with space constraints it is very easy to get into stress mode. What's more keep hearing people's stupid comment...feeling like a freak for having 4 kids...what bloody business is it if people like to have 10 kids! 

Anyway, on to happier times..N is like a young man now, helped a lot with A who can be most difficult at times (think not sleeping for more than 15 minutes, keep wanting to be carried, entertained, etc.) Only thing is his impatience with B. Cannot help feeling he has some sort of hate for his brother (is that too strong a word to use?). B is his usual self of all play and no work...but he is mighty proud to have scored the highest mark in his year-end English paper.. And V is as usual her joyful self except for some purposely carried out tantrum to spice up the atmosphere. 

Andrick discovered the joys of turning around at Day-86. And he surprised us when daddy put him down on the couch and he managed to stand on his own! This is at Day-136. His current obsession (after his born-with-it obsession of biting fingers) is sticking out and rolling his tongue around. 

Feeling much, much better now...gotta head home to mah boyz and girlz...chiao!